• wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 months ago

    For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:

    There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.

    What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.

    • EisFrei@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      “teasing me every chance she gets” sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.

      • curbstickle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        2 months ago

        Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.

        My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…

        Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.

        Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.

        So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.

        • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.

          Don’t forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren’t signals for another

          • Default_Defect@midwest.social
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            2 months ago

            Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn’t actually into me. It’s just how she acts with her friends.

            Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.

            For some people, the “obvious signs” aren’t signs at all. Other people think they’re telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren’t.

    • MrSpArkle@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.

      Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.

      Definitely a bit of vetting going on

      • shastaxc@lemm.ee
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        2 months ago

        You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people

        • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
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          2 months ago

          It’s weird how you’re getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.

          • Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works
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            2 months ago

            It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.

            • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
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              2 months ago

              Tomato tamato. You end up in the same place and the journey looks the same.

  • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
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    2 months ago

    I mean this is really not hard to understand dude. Women often have to deal with dumb asses that take every act of friendliness as an invitation to have sex. So now that she knows that you are in a relationship she feels more comfortable to talk to you because you (hopefully) are now busy being attracted to your gf instead of her and capable of having a conversation with her like a normal person.

    • AItoothbrush@lemmy.zip
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      2 months ago

      The amount of times women told me after a conversation that they appreciate me being just friendly and not hitting on them is kinda worrying. We humans create so many problems for ourselves…