• 8 Posts
  • 89 Comments
Joined 2 年前
Cake day: 2023年6月12日
  • Apytele@sh.itjust.workstoFunny@sh.itjust.works•One day it will happen to you
    8·
    4 天前

    right now? you’d have to find me first, and I doubt that it’s worth it for you. There’s also other logistics you would have to figure out that also probably wouldn’t be worth it for you.

    at my place of work? The environment is so controlled that you just… probably won’t succeed. Most people also don’t even notice the stuff I’m actually doing to maintain my safety. The biggest thing is before the patient is even on the unit making sure there’s nothing in the environment they can hit me with that would really hurt. One advantage I’ll admit I have over the cops is that I’m 99.99% certain that no one in the environment has a gun (the 0.01th time was the night the ER really fucked up*). But there’s also no corded devices, no IV poles or oxygen tanks to hit me with. Even stuff wide / long enough to get some leverage with like a dinner tray is made of styrofoam. Even the shitty coffee is lukewarm instead of boiling (sorry but I do what I gotta do).

    Most people also don’t notice that if they’re even anxious I’m usually between them and the door or even if I’m letting them have a sightline to it for their own peace of mind I’m still closer. If they’re actually mad I’m definitely between them and the door and whether or not they can see them I have at least one person for backup right outside the room, possibly 2 or more. I’m really just not that worried about it and I’d rather focus on what I can actually practically do to resolve the problem. Is there some comfort measure I can help with like warmth, cold, food or water? I’m not giving you a steak dinner for cussing me out but I can probably do peanut butter crackers and some water if you’re just hangry. Do you wanna talk about your legal status and what the judge is actually going to look for while deciding whether or not to commit you? Do you just wanna yell at somebody for fifteen minutes? I can do most or all of that with some detail-based caveats.

    If none of that works and you’re actually trying to hit me or even yourself (but talking does work like 85-90% of the time) there’s always haldol and if that doesn’t work I’ll try geodon and so on and so forth down a decently long list of options until you’re either better able to control yourself or unconscious. If I have to lock you in a room or strap you to a chair until it hits I can do that too (the paperwork sucks tho). If you’re on something real wild like PCP and can’t be sedated without respiratory collapse you’ll probably have to be detoxed in an ICU probably strapped to a bed and possibly intubated. But the confidence that I have the resources to handle most of the possibilities and that I have people to call if I can’t makes it a lot easier to not overreact to being called slurs and just focus on what the actual safety risks are in the situation and what actually needs to be done to resolve the problem.

    On the street? When I’m not in my scrubs I dress like a hobo and it’s very obvious that whether or not I’m actually a tweaker (unless you count caffeine which is technically a stimulant) I’ll probably lose a fight but I also will be taking either a testicle or an eyeball with me and you may or may not get a choice. Again, probably not worth it for you, probably not even worth interacting. Most people don’t interact beyond polite mutual acknowledgement of our existences. My scrubs only barely cover my overwhelming feral raccoon aura.

    Here’s real footage of me when admin comes through with our traditional consolatory pizza and cookie offerings:

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.workstoFunny@sh.itjust.works•One day it will happen to you
    44·
    4 天前

    Yeah but last week the mean bitchy old Lady at my job who’s mad nobody works as hard as her (it’s because she works too damn hard) who I thought hated me told me she’s surprised that I’m only 30 because I have a lot of wisdom and I’ve never been more honored. It almost makes it OK that caffeine gives me hangovers now and I need a nap before I do the dishes on my day off.

    I was actually really waiting for the wisdom to kick in and while I don’t really feel like it’s kicking in people are starting to listen and they trained me to teach the “how to talk people out of hitting you” class and I’m actually pretty hyped for that.

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.workstoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world•The unprompted texts I send my best friend.
    33·
    5 天前

    Personally it’s the silkiness after a fresh wash that gives good mouthfeel, among other ways a good wash contributes to a positive experience. It’s also good to not have any cosmetic products on or directly around the penis or testicles, but the tiniest dab of scent up higher on the inguinal line, like up towards the hips, would be nice (and I do like me a nice inguinal line, unlike a lot of other traits it’s usually still visible with a normal / healthy amount of chub; something about that narrower angle as a secondary sex characteristic is just 👌). Just not a lot of scent even though, you want to get any offensive smells off with washing then just add back a little pleasant smell since the face is gonna be right up in there.

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.workstoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world•We're deep into the baggy era mate
    21·
    6 天前

    I used to think that until I found drop crotch jogger jeans. Loose up top but skinny through the calves and cuffed to stay out of the mud. If I get extra longs I can wear them up over my bellybutton and the crotch is just normal. I looked for and found them when I found myself fantasizing about living life in my jogger scrub pants (where usually mud is the least worrisome thing that could wind up on my pants hems). Also they make my hips look huge in comparison to my tiny ankles and top so I get to look like a Pixar mom.

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.workstoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world•I can't believe this is a real article. Just wow.
    15·
    7 天前

    I’m actually doing a readthrough now and there’s a LOT of different stuff, a lot of contradictory stuff, and a lot of dudes that have some serious incel level hangups (looking at you two, ezekiel and paul) but then there’s just some bits that absolutely go hard (like the whipping you mentioned, or the times the pharisees be saying stuff about how the religious laws are this or that and jesus goes oooooofffffff ✨🫰✨🫰✨🫰✨ ) but the two things that are actually super consistent are a) do not work on the sabbath b) rich people are fundamentally evil, both with various ways of being said and various punishments up to and including death.

    There’s also a number of items under the general umbrella of what kinds of sex are good or bad but the specifics are highly variable and often contradictory such as having multiple wives, having children with the female servants, etc being fine or even a sign of status in some books then in later ones it’s explicitly a 1:1 deal. I would argue the only consistent item there is that you can make promise to only have sex with a person or certain set of people and you’re expected to keep that contract and respect similar ones that others have made. You can say “Adam and eve not Adam and Steve” all you want but what about Jacob Rachel and Leah also taking place in the book of Genesis? The only definite thing about the bible’s concept of marriage is that there’s few if any definites.

    There are a few people described as generally successful but it’s usually more in terms of owning / leading a people as a clan / tribe than it is in terms of having money specifically. Like it’ll describe the number of servants in the household, their tents, the herds, etc. The only person described positively who has “wealth” in the more modern sense is Solomon, and it’s explicitly stated that this was given to him because the one thing he asked god for before anything else was the wisdom to be a good leader, and that the wealth he had was a result of using that wisdom. Like the whole thing where he suggests the baby be cut in half to sus out which woman is the real mother is preceded by a dream the night before where god asks “hey what should I bless you with” and solomon is literally just like “look I just got appointed king and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing and all I want is to know how to do this properly” and god was like BET. And it’s followed by him choosing advisors / administrators that he he uses that wisdom to judge trustworthy enough to delegate decision making to (just read this one last night actually and I vibed with it pretty hard. I don’t actually want any responsibility for other people’s bullshit, but I feel like it would be a lot easier to do the right thing in life if it was a lot clearer to me what that actually is).

    The discussion of where I’m personally at spiritually is a much longer story than I’m going to bother writing out here but the short version is that I mostly just want to know everything that’s in it. I feel like if you’re really going to truly engage genuinely with this you’ve gotta acknowledge both the historical context and the deeply complex and fundamentally imperfect humanity of both the writers and the people they’re describing. Like even beyond,“these are all divinely inspired allegories,” I feel like it’s more,“this is one of the oldest books in the world that has managed to last through the ages in some form or another because it speaks to the human experience” and I’d like to learn more about why so I’m starting with just finding out what’s in there.