As a psych nurse who’s worked a unit with door alarms, somebody is going to have an aneurysm if they have to reset that alarm one. more. GOTDAMN MOTHER-FUCKING TIME.

Ours were specifically between the top of the door and the frame to keep people from anchoring a noose there. But that also meant they went off any time somebody finished toweling off out of the shower and threw the towel over, every time somebody grabbed the top of the door frame to stretch, and every time somebody was just mad about something at 2am and wanted all the other patients to suffer too. And you had to walk down to the relevant room and use your key in the little panel next to the door. Every. Single. Time.

So fun fact, there’s actually a academically researched phenomenon called “clinical alarm fatigue” where people get so used to turning alarms off that they stop checking before dismissing them. It’s like when you play a heavily modded game (mine was morrowind) and keep skipping through bogus warnings about missing textures and whatever but while you’re spamming the enter key a real one pops up and the whole thing crashes. It’s part of how radonda vaught killed that lady. Many of the alarms she overrode that day were warnings the nurses routinely had to override to complete daily tasks.

Anyway that’s the story of how the one time somebody did actually try to hang themselves the staff members turned off the alarm, assured the patient it was a false one, and walked away.

Oh hey! I started writing a porn about that.

here you go

You’re doing amazing.

I was gonna say, women have been getting sick of men and turning into bog witches for centuries now, probably longer. The more socially acceptable version was nunneries for a while, since men need to feel like they’re in control of that some way or another. I’m the city apartment version where I’m becoming a night shift vampire /other undead into tarot cards and Gnosticism.

okie-dokie

Oh hey! This is exactly what a DBT values assessment is for! I have my patients do them all the time. Y’all want worksheets? Here’s the page from the bootleg “what to do if you can’t afford therapy” resource I made a while back.

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right now? you’d have to find me first, and I doubt that it’s worth it for you. There’s also other logistics you would have to figure out that also probably wouldn’t be worth it for you.

at my place of work? The environment is so controlled that you just… probably won’t succeed. Most people also don’t even notice the stuff I’m actually doing to maintain my safety. The biggest thing is before the patient is even on the unit making sure there’s nothing in the environment they can hit me with that would really hurt. One advantage I’ll admit I have over the cops is that I’m 99.99% certain that no one in the environment has a gun (the 0.01th time was the night the ER really fucked up*). But there’s also no corded devices, no IV poles or oxygen tanks to hit me with. Even stuff wide / long enough to get some leverage with like a dinner tray is made of styrofoam. Even the shitty coffee is lukewarm instead of boiling (sorry but I do what I gotta do).

Most people also don’t notice that if they’re even anxious I’m usually between them and the door or even if I’m letting them have a sightline to it for their own peace of mind I’m still closer. If they’re actually mad I’m definitely between them and the door and whether or not they can see them I have at least one person for backup right outside the room, possibly 2 or more. I’m really just not that worried about it and I’d rather focus on what I can actually practically do to resolve the problem. Is there some comfort measure I can help with like warmth, cold, food or water? I’m not giving you a steak dinner for cussing me out but I can probably do peanut butter crackers and some water if you’re just hangry. Do you wanna talk about your legal status and what the judge is actually going to look for while deciding whether or not to commit you? Do you just wanna yell at somebody for fifteen minutes? I can do most or all of that with some detail-based caveats.

If none of that works and you’re actually trying to hit me or even yourself (but talking does work like 85-90% of the time) there’s always haldol and if that doesn’t work I’ll try geodon and so on and so forth down a decently long list of options until you’re either better able to control yourself or unconscious. If I have to lock you in a room or strap you to a chair until it hits I can do that too (the paperwork sucks tho). If you’re on something real wild like PCP and can’t be sedated without respiratory collapse you’ll probably have to be detoxed in an ICU probably strapped to a bed and possibly intubated. But the confidence that I have the resources to handle most of the possibilities and that I have people to call if I can’t makes it a lot easier to not overreact to being called slurs and just focus on what the actual safety risks are in the situation and what actually needs to be done to resolve the problem.

On the street? When I’m not in my scrubs I dress like a hobo and it’s very obvious that whether or not I’m actually a tweaker (unless you count caffeine which is technically a stimulant) I’ll probably lose a fight but I also will be taking either a testicle or an eyeball with me and you may or may not get a choice. Again, probably not worth it for you, probably not even worth interacting. Most people don’t interact beyond polite mutual acknowledgement of our existences. My scrubs only barely cover my overwhelming feral raccoon aura.

Here’s real footage of me when admin comes through with our traditional consolatory pizza and cookie offerings:

Me: downvoting comments that technically follow logically but are annoying, pedantic, and lack important context.

One of my bigger career regrets is not picking one I can do shitfaced. Fuck I can’t even do it properly without my ADHD meds I be lookin at these dosages like

Have some pride! It’s only an insult if you let it be!

~ Sincerely, a certified redneck <3

Yeah but last week the mean bitchy old Lady at my job who’s mad nobody works as hard as her (it’s because she works too damn hard) who I thought hated me told me she’s surprised that I’m only 30 because I have a lot of wisdom and I’ve never been more honored. It almost makes it OK that caffeine gives me hangovers now and I need a nap before I do the dishes on my day off.

I was actually really waiting for the wisdom to kick in and while I don’t really feel like it’s kicking in people are starting to listen and they trained me to teach the “how to talk people out of hitting you” class and I’m actually pretty hyped for that.

“I have it worse”

and

“Naaah bro that’s not that weird / dumb I do that too”

Are very close sentiments at face value and it can take a fair amount of finesse to get something to read as the second one.

Training to be a peer recovery mental health specialist helped a lot if any of you are interested in learning some better techniques. It’s mostly timing and choosing the right parts of the story to tell.

When you read the headline you’re thinking the parachute didn’t open, but this raises the possibility that it just had a heart attack.

somebody beat you to it, but good luck out there! <3

Personally it’s the silkiness after a fresh wash that gives good mouthfeel, among other ways a good wash contributes to a positive experience. It’s also good to not have any cosmetic products on or directly around the penis or testicles, but the tiniest dab of scent up higher on the inguinal line, like up towards the hips, would be nice (and I do like me a nice inguinal line, unlike a lot of other traits it’s usually still visible with a normal / healthy amount of chub; something about that narrower angle as a secondary sex characteristic is just 👌). Just not a lot of scent even though, you want to get any offensive smells off with washing then just add back a little pleasant smell since the face is gonna be right up in there.

I used to think that until I found drop crotch jogger jeans. Loose up top but skinny through the calves and cuffed to stay out of the mud. If I get extra longs I can wear them up over my bellybutton and the crotch is just normal. I looked for and found them when I found myself fantasizing about living life in my jogger scrub pants (where usually mud is the least worrisome thing that could wind up on my pants hems). Also they make my hips look huge in comparison to my tiny ankles and top so I get to look like a Pixar mom.

And?