I had to amend my will because of this.

If my corpse doesn’t get shoved into the crematorium slathered in dorito juice I’m gonna screech cosmic truths in the nightmares of my loved ones.

Penis envy is a theoretical stage in female psychosexual development that occurs when they realize they don’t have a penis.

The idea of pre-pubescent viet cong girls running around collecting soldier cocks in the night is even more terrifying.

Those are very small condoms. Are we sure they’re not for the pokemon?

No you’re nice.

This is how I feel about windchimes. Take them the fuck inside and put em in front of a fan if you need to hear tinkly sounds all the goddamn time.

Lawyers and judges saw a lot of dicks during covid when everyone had to learn how to video chat for court.

Everything from the accused laying in bed, in pajamas, with a bowl of cereal and a blunt, to mirrors betraying whole-moon asses, to a guy being charged with improper storage of a firearm with shotgun leaning against the wall behind him.