Yeah, those stupid kids who want a perfect candidate and everything fixed immediately!

Wilbur Buds > Hershey Kisses

Quitting is too much work.

Just stop working and see how long it takes for them to fire you.

I haven’t felt patriotic since the 90s. Every 4th feels like I’m surrounded by deluded people.

OP should be banned for celebrating political violence

It’s not a spoiler when the neolibs do it. Progressives are the ones who have to vote blue no matter who.

Where are the lizard people conspiracy folks? This is totally something a lizard person would say

They should have the umpires sign in braille

It’s probably for ADA compliance

Lots and lots of beer

The same person who taught me that antisemitism and antizionism aren’t the same thing also made me eat a burrito on his front porch because it wasn’t kosher.

Yeah, I can’t even enjoy The X Files anymore after learning about this. The evil conspiracy is real but it has nothing to do with aliens

He was an amateur radio operator who picked up some encrypted signals from a nearby air force base.

Rather than admit they were just encrypted transmissions the USAF created a program that convinced this man that aliens were real and he was being pursued by the government, including sending Men in Black to harass him and hiring a woman to believe everything he said.

He died in a mental hospital, estranged from his family and suffering from paranoid delusions.

I used to think MiB was a fun movie until I learned what the USAF did to Paul Benowitz.

The natural world is pretty unfriendly to bare feet, too.

Bold of you to assume you’ll retire

The guy they found frozen in a glacier in the Alps had grasses stuffed into his moccasins as primitive socks.

Socks keep your shoes from absorbing sweat and help prevent blisters. They’re useful beyond the social construct.

You can buy cable modems cheap, too. No reason to use their crap at all.

In order to feel patriotic you’ll have to have failed history.