Wait… so what are pussies for?

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Damn… 7 minutes is nothing. This dude’s on a whole other level right here

Atheism:

Get me a saddle

I’m about to show you something you can only do once

That is the dumbest fucking dumbass thing in this dumb world. By next week they’ll be shoving flags up their asses and walking on all fours

So what’s he gonna do like… schedule the next war?

Reporter: “Have you been bad? Have you been a bad boy, Mr. President? Have you been misbehaving?”

Trump: [ explodes ]

You’re not gay enough

Whoa, holy shit, what a mindfuck

There’s… more of me here?

Ace of Spades is an interesting one. It has both the lines “The pleasure is to play” and “Gambling’s for fools”. It basically tells you not to spend more than you’re willing to lose.

That election is about to be stolen so fucking hard

“Is he smart or is he… like me?”

You can’t tell me what to do!

I still have seven of my fingers left from last time!

32 and it’s worked for me so far

I had to hold down one of my kittens to give him his spot-on flea treatment and felt bad afterwards. They’ve never scratched me. They just get so excited to be pet I thought I’d miss. I was like “You’re cute, but this stuff is expensive”

Oh shit. Wait, no. It was just a joke. I don’t wanna be “cannibal man”. Damn… senior year will be really hard for me, won’t it? No one will want to sit next to me in the cafeteria. Some kid will be like “I hear he packs his own lunch” and everyone will gasp.

but don’t worry, after 6 months they’ll start putting AI and ads back into it.

What? No way they’d do the thing Disney just did!

And not a bot!

Wonderful! We love human flesh around here!

EDIT: Ok, I’m reading that back and I see how it sounds. Just editing to say we are not cannibals.

EDIT 2: Ok, I know that denying that we are cannibals makes it look even more like we are cannibals, but I promise you we are not

They’ll bring old Google back and call it Google Classic. They will also have a Google Zero, with zero calories, and, of course, Google with a lemon twist.