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Without broodje hagelslag, this story is completely unbelievable. Broodje hagelslag is the cornerstone of Dutch culture.
My boyfriend said “no”. When I asked him why, he said “Because you are a worm.” I acted very offended (which I really wasn’t) and I told him that I would love him if he was a worm. He said I was lying, which was true.
We just thought it was very funny and both knew it was a joke. If this is a serious question from someone, then you have a problem I think. That would be ridiculous and immature. It is probably best not to answer then but to ask the question back. Then the person that asked the question has the problem, not you.
You, yes, you behind the bike sheds, stand still, laddie.
I do not think that if you are irritated by tags it necessarily means that you are autistic. I get irritated by tags and I have been tested for autism and I am not autistic. I am not completely neurotypical in other ways though.
Yes, that seems easier to me as well! I was not allowed to do this according to the teacher when I was a child. They wanted me to do it in some weird counterintuitive way. But I was very stubborn and I am still doing calculations in this way. She is not the boss of the way I think!
So, for me it is 10-8=2. Then 7-2=5. And then 10+5=15.
Yes. I always say that it seems like my mind just does not have the program to process good situations and respond. It just does not know what to do with it and starts looping and responding as if it were a bad situation but it cannot find the danger.
Much (not all) of my trauma is due to emotional neglect and psychological abuse. Someone literally baked me a cake a week ago and now part of me never wants to see them again because it feels too dangerous. :-( It takes so much effort to go back and act like everything is okay. If someone hurts me, I do not like it, but at least I know how to deal with that. It feels less dangerous.
I am sorry to hear you have experienced so much you are in the same boat. I wish it wasn’t the case. I am a good responder in crisis as well. I immediately get energy and feel like I know what to do! Although in some cases I tend to underrespond.
A couple of years ago I saw some people fighting in the street. It was a typical situation where people seemed to be feeling the bystander effect and did nothing. So, I thought I should probably do something and I went calmly to the police station nearby to get them. Looking back and discussing with others that were there, in hindsight, this was a situation to run and get the police, not walk calmly. But I just thought it wasn’t that big of a deal. At least I did something.
Another time the fire alarm went of at my work. I started to search the building for people that needed help to get outside or did not hear the alarm instead of going outside myself. This was not my job. We had dedicated people for that. I should have just gone outside, but my automatic behaviour was starting to try and save people. It was a false alarm, by the way, but apparently it still triggered some kind of trauma response or something. My boss was angry with me as they could not account for me outside of the building.
I think you are right. I was ‘trained’ to always put others first even if it harms me. So that is what I do when the alarm goes off.
Have you found stuff that works? I write a lot of letters to express what I cannot say. This helps a bit. Also, some forms of massage help me. People touching me also triggers me, but I have found a message therapist that I somewhat got used to now. EMDR only worked for some of the more recent trauma’s, not for the more structural earlier ones. I recently started doing somatic experiencing as well, not sure yet whether that helps. I still have a long way to go before I start functioning normal again. (I did for a long time until suddenly I did not a couple of years ago.)
For me if things go well, I sometimes keep on looking where the bad in it is. I keep thinking: Okay, this seems good, so what am I missing here? And if people are nice to me and I feel I can trust them, I get scared and want to flee and be by myself. The more I feel there is genuine contact, the more scary it is.
I was diagnosed with cPTSD as well, by the way.
I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.
When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is “wrong” with you after all is always there. It takes courage.
If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.
I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.
No chance at all