If you want to continue with tailscale route, why won’t setup your own headscale server ? (OSS implementation of tailscale).

Mov.im ? A web frontend for xmpp. Though it’s not hostable via docker (there is one but not for production).

I’m not sure it will 100% suit your use case but definitely a solid choice.

Garuda Linux ? (Gaming focused Arch derivative)

Selfh.st is better no ?

I feel like there isnt much people on Garuda. At least roaming on Lemmy.