• 0 Posts
  • 13 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: June 25th, 2023
  • firebyte@lemmy.worldtopolitics @lemmy.world•Trans pilot falsely blamed in Potomac plane crash sues conservative influencer
    4·
    4 days ago

    What I’m saying is, you might feel like you’re not misgendering, but if someone is binary and you use a non-binary pronoun, you are misgendering.

    I don’t disagree with your first statement.

    However I do disagree with your second statement, quoted above, because it’s so broad that even people trying to do the right thing, or least harmful thing, can be accused of misgendering or be policed by others for simply trying to be inclusive.

    Whilst a technicality, it really rubs non-gender diverse people the wrong way, and makes it harder for gender diverse people, myself included, to drive broader acceptance of us in the community when all we’re known for is telling others they’re ‘wrong’ when they accidentally mess up a pronoun or three.

    There’s a very fine balance to be struck between being inclusive, and being correct.

    If someone gets a person’s gender wrong accidentally because they were unsure, that shouldn’t, and doesn’t in my view, count as misgendering simply because it was a misunderstanding.

    However if someone deliberately, or maliciously refers to someone as their assigned gender at birth, that’s misgendering which should absolutely be called out and derided.

  • firebyte@lemmy.worldtopolitics @lemmy.world•Trans pilot falsely blamed in Potomac plane crash sues conservative influencer
    4·
    4 days ago

    But … is that automatically anyone else’s preference?

    No, and that’s the really hard part. Most would agree that ‘they/them/they’re’ (and so on) is generally safer than a gendered pronoun if unsure. It’s also really hard when someone’s pronouns, again for those in the back: are just as valid as mine, aren’t ones in common use.

    There’s a non-exhaustive list here: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/08/incomplete-list-gender-pronouns/

    It’s much easier with friends, as you’ll generally get into a groove eventually. However, is less so with strangers.

    Even asking someone’s pronouns could be met with confused looks from time to time. Context matters. If I asked for the pronouns of a farmer with a thousand yard stare and sun-kissed leather skin to match in my part of the world, despite growing up in the country, I’d probably be punched in the face. 😂

  • firebyte@lemmy.worldtopolitics @lemmy.world•Trans pilot falsely blamed in Potomac plane crash sues conservative influencer
    33·
    4 days ago

    Strong disagree. Using ‘they/them’ when you’re generally unsure about a person’s gender isn’t misgendering.

    I’m a binary trans woman. If someone is generally unsure about my gender, because it can be ambiguous from time to time, they/them when referring to me is perfectly acceptable. I would suggest most other people are fine with they/them in this instance as well.

    Pronouns can be quite a minefield to navigate, especially for those not used to using they/them when all they’ve ever known is binary terms growing up.

    Speaking as an ‘elder’ trans person, some pronouns in use, which are just as valid as mine!, are genuinely difficult to remember because there are so many of them. I’m talking about the ones that aren’t part of the English language in common use. I default to ‘they/them’ in those instances because using the person’s assigned gender at birth would be genuinely hurtful; I don’t want to hurt someone.

    I feel very much that our own, gender diverse, community is driving those outside of it away by being so strict with/overt policing of pronouns, that those who aren’t gender diverse find the whole ‘pronoun’ thing too complicated, then either refuse to engage with us or deliberately misgender because its easier. This is especially true for older conservative cis people.