My ex tried this shit with me talking to any women. I had never, even once, given her any hint of inpropriety.
I ended it there, that day, and just stayed single for the next year or so.
A person that jealous is a red flag for control
That or projection and they are cheating themselves… been there
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What, she once said “no more talking to other women”!?
A downward spiral that ended more or less there.
We had been together for a couple years, long distance. she was a couple months from moving back.
Start of conversation, I say: Kate said that the renfest tickets were about to go on sale
Who’s Kate.
Kate at work, there’s a crew that goes every year, we should go.
What else do you and Kate talk about?
Devolves into wanting an index of female friends and leading questions of if they are nice…
Mind you, we’d not been fighting; I was always accountable and on time. We had just spent most of a week together.
Near the end, she made it an “it’s either me or her…”
Kate is gay… I could have went down that path, But at this point, “woah woah woah, give me your key, we’re done”
I never regretted that.
This is the kind of healthy drama I want to see. It seems so far fetched it might actually make a good television show.
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Good for you!
Had a friend who’s wife started assuming he was cheating or trying to cheat with any other woman in his life. It was very extreme. Like - he once held the door open for a random woman entering a restaurant and she started accusing the woman of being a whore.
He ended up staying with her for a few more years because their daughter was 16 and he didn’t want to end up paying child support, and when they split up the 18yo daughter moved in with him.
she started accusing the woman of being a whore.
To her face? That’s like BPD or something
It was shortly after covid that she went kinda crazy, so I’ve wondered if she had some long-covid issues.
Oh probably not even that. I know a few people that had the psychological whiplash of going from being able to pretend that they were safe and bad things happened to Other People, to InVisIBle THinGs aRe OuT tO gEt mE!!!
And so they went antivax or some other psycho mindset
i lost two friends this way. went from cool people to being psychos post covid.
before i blocked them they would spam my IG feed with anti-vax and other conspiracy nonsense, and ended up adopting like multiple animals and going on rants about how men are awful. sad, and so fucking cliche.
i mean, yeah the dudes they dated were awful, and i often told them that over the years, but they never listened.
yeah, i have met women who make this a requirement to date them. it’s not common but it exists.
you basically can’t interact with any other women than your family. because so much as smiling at a woman cashier at the grocery store is cheating. it’s really not about that though, it’s about their need to control you to feel secure.
it also is almost always a double standard, because that rule doesn’t apply to her talking to men.
Yeah had woman like that. Cashier hand touch mind handing me my change at the grocery store. I ended it that day because she filp out over it.
Was driving and glanced at something in my peripheral, barely even registered what I was seeing before a shrill “SHEES FOUURTEEEEEEEENNN” blistered through my ear drums from the passengers seat.
Like I could have understood that reaction if I was legit checking out some 14yo girl but like I was just driving and watching out for pedestrians.
Tragically miserable human being that taught me a lot of life lessons the hard way.
Yeah. That kind of mindset is tragic, because it’s hard to live like that but it’s also so toxic that it pushes away anybody who might be able to help.
Good call!
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Instructions unclear.
Married a woman who plays video games with me.
My wife is currently breeding an army of factory workers for me in exchange for a ton of ammo and raw materials in Palworld.
The last two words of that sentence are the most important ones.
“…in Palworld” is the new “…in Minecraft”
*in Rimworld
*in Rimcraft
*in The Sims
*in Crusader Kings
If you squint a little the rest of the description does apply to the real world…
Hot
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Some of us have dated dozens of people and never met one what enjoys or is OK with video games.
women who enjoy video games are not exactly abundant.
I’ve dated lots of trans girls who play video games.
If you want a girlfriend who does a “boy hobby” (as toy companies would put it), you need to find a culturally liberated woman. Someone strong willed and independent, who values action and choice. You know, a woke woman.
Find yourself a gal with blue hair and pronouns and you’ll have a gamer gf.
You’re right, I should start up a new game of Stardew Valley.
He knows trans girls will be better at games than him.
I’m not sure what your point is? Ive dated people who didnt like video games too.
that you are lucky and statistically that isn’t an option for most folks.
I’d love to date a woman who mountain bikes. The ratio of men to women in mountain biking is about 100 to 1, far worse than video games. my chances of finding a lady who wants to do that with me is astonishingly low.
however what is very common, is for meet a woman who lectures me on how stupid and dangerous and dumb mountain biking is and that i should stop doing it. that’s like 1/4 ladies I meet.
Given the ratio you’ve listed, it should be extremely easy to find women into mountain biking. Though I suspect you meant the inverse of what you said.
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It’s not fine. and it is a pandemic, due to the hyper fueled social media gender war bullshit that so many single people consume. it’s also escalating. 10 years ago nobody was, on a first date, telling me in my face what a piece of shit I was to my face for not having a high enough salary for them, when my salary is higher than theirs, now that’s like every 4th woman I meet, and pretty much every other woman i meet demands to know my ‘stats’ off the bat.
it is not a small subset of women at all, it’s the vast majority of dating profiles I see who loudly and proudly declare their sexist double standards and abusive behaviors. men, at least, get called out and socially punished for it, women, get celebrated and their victims get punished and called out. women’s abuse and violence towards men is considered ‘corrective’ or ‘justice’. this morning I must have swiped left like 30 times alone, simple due to toxic sexist weird shit on profiles.
the small subset is the women who aren’t toxic, who actually take accountability for their emotions and their actions, and actually communicate with their partners. and who have realistic expectations for their lives, rather than being perpetually embittered their life isn’t a social media reel. and they aren’t on the dating market because they are largely coupled up. I meet many nice women at events this way, but they are never single. The single ones are the ones who are in the corner, and act with hostility and snide remarks if you try to interact with them, so you leave them alone.
in the past 5 years I’ve only had like 1-2 normal nice dates (who were not american btw), the majority were one flavor of hostile and angry or another, who absolutely blamed me or other men for their ‘unhappiness’, which really is a product of their their own poor choices and shallow pursuits. But you can’t call them out, so you just sit there, listen to them rant, and say ‘thanks, hope you find someone nice’ and then they scream at you or sometimes attempt to hit or throw something at you. because HOW DARE YOU REJECT THEM, they are suppose to reject you you worthless man!
That said, 10-15 years ago, the majority of my dates were nice and normal folks. But that was also before social media warped everyone’s brains. Things didn’t used to be like this, but now everyone is so drugged up on rage and hostility and hate, well that’s all they can see in the world and all they bring to it. And I, for one, want nothing to do with that shit.
“most folks” = “me anecdotally”
k
Yeah, that sucks, man. I mean, it is a dangerous hobby, my nephew is really into mountain biking and I keep hearing about his hilarious but serious injuries.
However, if you love it, like you clearly do, that’s just part of the game. It’s not surprising that you have trouble finding a gf who can be okay with that part, and ideally you would indeed want someone who you can worry about equally because she keeps falling off mountains and breaking ribs or getting concussions or whatever.
lol @ the comments are arguing about the speculative context for this conversation. Either one of these fictional people could be unreasonable given different context.
Yall are telling on your own insecurities.
Obviously the woman has cancer and has only a week to live, but the husband is a world class esports athlete and he promised an entire ward of kids with cancer that he’d win the championship.
But the husband has cancer too and this is the last time that he can play before his eyes need to be surgically removed. But he doesn’t know that his wife made a deal with the devil, if she can get the husband to stop playing games then Satan will erase cancer from the world and the entire ward of children will be instantly healed.
But if her husband finds out about this deal he will instantly kill everyone. This is a very complex situation.
This is a little far-fetched.
The man comes from a long-line of noble gamers and is merely upholding the traditional values he was raised on, lest he distress the spirits of his ancestors. The woman was raised by puritan chess masters during the castle siege of Fort Boyard and views the world only under the paranoid lens of allegiance/betrayal.
It’s a simple culture clash that likely leads to some interesting bedtime shenanigans that gets them both off, e.g. Lockpicking a chastity belt whilst she eggs him on in French
THANK you I’m ALWAYS saying this
It’s so obvious when you think about the drink limit
these are the types of movies hollywood should be making.
You don’t want to watch Die Hard (2027)?
Unless Die Hard (2027) is a documentary about Bruce Willis, then I’m not interested
Nah, it’s a drama about the slow death of having dementia and how difficult it is for everyone around you.
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it’s a satire on how women are demanding and expect men to change–even when they know the man’s flaws or vices beforehand–but men basically just expect a woman to be around. it’s an empowering fantasy. the reality is that the man would give up video games or play in secrecy because the alternative is to be lonely or pay child support.
Congrats, you did exactly what I was taking about.
I would never date an extrovert or someone with no hobbies for exactly this reason. They need you to entertain them or they throw a fit.
This is so true.
Choosing my introverted life partner was the best choice I ever made. Or the best choice they ever made for me…or somewhere in between. But great choice, all around.
Big yep. Partner ≠ 24-hour therapist. If you can’t be alone with your thoughts, you aren’t working on your shit, and shouldn’t inflict it on someone else just because they’re there.
This is a reasonable response, however if his habits are inhibiting his lifestyle then she has every right to bring it up as an issue.
FRFR glitches be trippin
Yeah, it’s obviously framed like this to dunk on the non-gamer for being goofy, but the reality is (most of the time) someone forcing an ultimatum like this is doing is because every other method failed. So, it’s hard for me to see this anything other than a sort of power fantasy. I’m not sure what to call it. An “I’m right” fantasy? A high-horse fantasy? Not sure.
And the frustrating this is that goofy posts like this hide this so well, because yes, ultimatums are generally bad, but if you point out something like that, they’ll just say something like the non-gamer just jumped to the ultimatum with no warning… But… It’s just a single panel. There’s literally nothing else.
Idk, it’s just weird to me. Also feels a little misogynistic.
Lost me at the misogynistic part. There’s nothing about this that necessitates a specific gender, just happens to be what’s in the meme.
And yet it’s usually the woman in memes like this that’s behaving inappropriately and usually the woman that’s acting boring in the memes comparing boys and girls.
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Never said I couldn’t.
Nope, just demonstrated it.
…by not posting a meme as a response? What? That doesn’t even make sense.
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Never said they couldn’t.
This absolutely happens, and women can be toxic too. Not everything is misogyny. I’ve had some absolutely horrible girlfriends and women in my life. I’ve also had amazing women in my life. Instead of assuming everything is misogyny you could idk… maybe consider that women arent always sunshine and rainbows?
It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal from afar.
When did I say otherwise? I even specifically mentioned most of the time in my comment, acknowledging that it’s not universal.
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Huh?
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No, minimizing my comment to one small thing I mentioned at the end in passing at an aside and saying that it was “derailing the whole post” is the derailing.
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“Feels a little misogynistic” is all I said, jeez. 🙄
No, you’re cooked. Tonight at 10 there will be two ogres in linux t-shirts at your door. They’ll escort you to the lemmy dungeon where you’ll spend the rest of your life.
Oh gods, not the Lemmy dungeon! I better eat some beans as I’ll need to not poop for three days.
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Huh?
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It’s not a reasonable response at all. It’s unhealthy AF.
If the partner is prioritizing games over their relationship or responsibilities, and is making the other feel like they have to compete for attention and time with their partners habits or addiction. The affected partner hss every right to desire to leave that relationship because their needs are not being met in that relationship.
This is what the ultimatum is targeting. His response being intentionally obtuse and flipping it back around to the partner whose needs are likely not being met in their relationship being the problem is extremely toxic and manipulative.
I like how everyone is inventing a scenario to fit the two lines of dialogue and claiming it’s this or that.
There’s no way to definitely say if it’s reasonable or not because they guy could be prioritizing gaming over his life and relationship or the lady could just be embarrassed that she is dating a guy with “immature” hobbies and he may be very regulated about the time spent gaming.
In one scenario it’s reasonable in the other it’s not.
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people are confirming their biases via projection, often into extreme scenarios because those are more emotionally vivid and dramatic, than more mundane ones.
If the two characters were a gay couple you’d see very different replies, and probably a lot more light hearted ones, but a lot fewer of them.
but this one nicely plays into the ‘men who play video games are awful and terrible people’ trope, especially with the headline inciting that the male is the mature one here.
and for some folks in relationships, they MUST be the victim, no matter what. those were my favorite breakups, the classic ‘i am doing this but it’s hurting me more than you so therefore i’m the real victim’ nonsense. classic! you can bet some posters who think that way are totally triggered by any suggestion they might be the problematic one.
plus you know, the weirdos who just have an irrational hatred for people who play video games and think they are all depraved jobless man children who goon to anime girls all day.
anyway, it’s fun because so many folks tell on themselves without realizing it, when you put up these kind of relationship Rorschach tests.
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And I was dating a girl for a month and she mocked me for playing video games while she was on vacation and said video games are immature and the only reason I should ever play them was when I was spending time with my nephew.
Context matters, yes, but how often do we see posts painting men in a bad light with no context and everyone cheers it on?
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The whole real men don’t play video games is also unhealthy nonsense constantly pushed by toxic members of our society
https://www.aol.com/articles/dating-coach-reveals-why-video-181930000.html
Honestly this is a contrived conversation, but I don’t think the guys answer is that far off of a healthy response. It is important to shutdown this type of behavior when it happens.
https://blog.couplestherapistla.com/ultimatums-dont-work-do-this-instead/
She would be much better off just saying, “When you ignore me or your chores by playing video games it makes me feel like you don’t care about the work it takes to maintain our home and relationship.”
what a awful shitty lady.
half the women on my dating app matches love golf. it’s incredibly popular right now. it’s the new climbing gym.
Without more context she could definitely be shitty or as the poster I responded to said, it could be a toxic response if he is actually ignoring his chores and the relationship by playing games.
I am probably making more out of it than it is though and overthinking things.
i’m talking about the ‘dating coach’ who is clearly an idiot.
Oh yes, I agree completely.
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Lots of assumptions being made when it could just as easily be someone upset that he dares spend an hour or two on the weekends gaming with buddies
no, that’s your interpretation of it. which is mostly projection and your identification of the two people as being ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
The fact they’ve graduated from a “talking stick” to rearranging the furniture and trading sides of the couch between responses was prob an early warning sign
A video game addiction is a very real thing. If the context had been that he was developing some dangerous habits, that’d be different.
So many on here are critical of the lady without knowing the full circumstance. Some people have a huge game addiction problem to level like alcohol or drugs and cannot regulate/manage appropriately. She may have tried more conservative options. If she said either you quit alcohol or gambling or I am leaving…no one would bat an eye. I play video games, have for decades, and know I can neglect my daily life if I let myself. So it isn’t black and white.
So I’m a woman and I play a lot of games. But I don’t disregard my other responsibilities over games.
I dated a guy gamer many years back and he played literally every single day for at least 4 hours usually more.
Mostly in the evenings. Most of the day on his days off. But he definitely would make excuses why he couldn’t help me with things all the time just to go and play games instead.
I sure would have liked to be able to fuck around all the time too but things have to be done.
He basically lived with me so it was frustrating to always be cleaning up after him because he just played games in all of his free time whereas I had to clean and do my studies when I wasn’t working. And the little free time I had to maybe go out and do something, he just wanted to play games.
Idk if I would call it addiction. But he just prioritized it over time with me. And I wasn’t even asking for much as I worked full time and went to school half time. He had a part time job.
I dated him way too long. 2 years.
He mostly played league of legends. He didn’t really play anything else. Which I also thought was kinda meh.
Zero other hobbies or interests.
As I said I myself play a lot of games. I’m not against video games as a pastime. But for some it’s literally the only thing they do and they prioritize it over experiencing life or being present for anyone else. Use it as an excuse to not help out their partner or take care of themselves.
I was always cleaning up after him.
It wasn’t a video game issue per se. It was him being incapable of putting in effort. And using games to avoid responsibilities. But I could see how someone might think it was the gaming causing the problem.
I agree with you, it isn’t black and white and every situation is different. It may not have been a full addiction but it was a major problem. Sometimes it is a full addition as wel but not the sole addictionl. You made the right decision, his excess video gaming was likely a manifestation of his overall behavior pattern. You likely wouldn’t have fixed him even with him playing games.
Yeah I didn’t break up with him over the gaming. He was a bad partner in many ways. The gaming thing to me was just him trying to excuse his poor behavior.
Agreed with most of what you said. Don’t like the gatekeeping over what a person plays though.
Pvp helped when i was mourning the loss of a fam member. That’s aside from other therapies though. And it wasn’t where I dropped all other responsibilities including handling estate.
Him shirking is bad enough regardless of what game he played. You had strong enough points on that.
I Just don’t like the gatekeeper shit in the gaming community. We got enough of that. Let’s do better than this. To each their own.
I just mean he only played one thing. That’s it. Like it’s kind of boring to only like 1 thing in the entire world to spend your time on.
What he plays is up to him though. Not you.
I think you are missing the point.
had you read my original post it was on point. with one caveat. you have decided to concentrate on the caveat. so no, factually i never missed your overriding the point and even addressed it saying i agreed with it.
it is you who wanted to go this tangent. this is your show.
i take this to mean you done your little power trip down this lane?
I have nothing against league.
My point was he had zero other interest in life.
He was a bland boring person. He played one single game only.
I don’t know what kind of insult you thought I was implying about league players.
I don’t know any aside from this ex who played all the time. I was only talking about this one specific person. I never said he was “just like all other league players” nor did I say anything implying generalizations of any kind.
If you are a league player who plays no other games, IDK what to tell you. The post wasn’t about you. If you felt personally attacked because of a description of my ex… Yeah again. Idk what to tell you.
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Yeah, but those kind of people rarely end up with significant others in the first place. You know… because the do nothing but play videos games all day.
It’s rarely a good idea to give an ultimatum. Obviously state your concerns. Set some boundaries on yourself. If you’re at your breaking point, just leave.
Ultimatums just build resentment even if they choose you. They should want to pick you over video games. It’s just a short term fix otherwise.
Reverse the sexes/genders, and write that again.
Everything you just said would still be true, right?
If the man was issuing the same ultimatum, and the woman gave the response?
FR. If a relationship gets to this point it’s for a reason.
If the partner is prioritizing games over their relationship or responsibilities, and is making the other feel like they have to compete for attention and time with their partners habits or addiction. They have every right to desire to leave that relationship because their needs are not being met.
the number of people who are addicted to gaming is 3.5%, of people who game.
the number of people who are alcoholics in the USA is 10%, among the entire population of the USA.
One of those is vastly more prevalent than the other.
I have played video games my entire life, and never once have they ever caused me to neglect anything in my life.
And yet, most every woman I have dated thinks playing video games is a disgusting gross embarrassing thing, like smoking. Even a few of them who liked to play games themselves.
It’s stupid, and it’s false. It’s just a cultural stigma because ‘cool’ people don’t play video games. Only ‘losers’ play them. And yet like 2/3 of the adult population plays them.
Even more weird when you think about ‘watching tv’ as an activity. People think you are weirdo if you don’t watch TV, because it’s so universally popular and has no negative stigma as being for socially undesirable people.
I was in this situation with a woman where she would get pissed if I would play games while she watched tv. Apparently we were supposed to watch TV together. Not talk or anything, just sit and watch. That one didn’t last very long.
been there, except in my case it was the same show, over and over and over. she had no interest in watching anything else.
and this is why I hate Parks & Rec forever now. lol
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The oh-so relatable manosphere /s
People’s are equals; you must deal with your own insecurities and worry about other’s later. We’re more similar than you think, and it’s ok to love thineself
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Video games don’t cheat on you and they don’t mind if you cheat on them.
Proof acc to my backlog
Arbitrary cosmetic changes are also a feature, not abusive criticism
I’m not sure that’s a healthy way to view relationships or how respect works with the reference in the image
I think he’s talking about video games
While comparing it to real relationships.
That’s what you’re doing.
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I see you’ve become obsessed with me.
lmao nope but don’t worry now you’re blocked weirdo
Memes aside, there’s nothing more important than the people in your life. Spend time with them.
that assumes time with them isn’t miserable and they aren’t assholes.
not everyone has a positive social relationships.
That makes me sad for those people. Life is too short to spend it in the company of miserable assholes.
I wasn’t born into a family I enjoy spending time with. It took me a while to find “my people,” but I’m so glad I did.
If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes.
what if your comment history is full of dumb and cliche one liners you think are clever? what does that make you?
I’m sorry you feel that way. But that attitude might be why you have poor social relationships.
or it’s why i don’t socialize with people who think they are total badasses who never contribute anything of substance to a conversation other than their ignorance and insulting other folks.
because they smell like shit, but they think it smells glorious. and the rest of us are holding our noses.
Just saying, telling everyone they smell like shit is not an excellent way to make friends. But you do you.
you are the one that said that. but i see that you live in your own world where you are not responsible for anything you say, it’s everyone else that’s the problem. and clapping back at internet strangers makes you feel like you are winner at life or something.
… Why are we making up scenarios to feel vindicated about literal fictions that we established in the first place?
Literally who is this for and in what way is this remotely memetic?
This just feels like the kind of cheap dunking on women shit you see all over reddit in the gross right winger cesspool subs.
Honestly? I think how you see it depends on your lived experience; almost every man has had a partner complain about their hobby (gaming especially); a lot get ultimatums and have lived in that cycle of abuse. A lot of it is rooted in partnership ideals where only the emotional wellbeing of the woman matters - the kind of toxic nonsense we all want shut of I’d say.
This could literally be a conversation with my friends right now. (The issue not the words used here)
So much so that I will NOT be sharing this with them or I risk adding fuel to the fire
This is a meme community, right?
