Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay Alright, aight, aight, aight, aight Yo, yo Aight, I’ma lay the chorus first Here we go now

My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I am like I am 'cause I’m like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I’m on what I’m on 'cause I’m my mom

My mom, my mom, I know you’re probably tired Of hearing ‘bout my mom, oh-ho, whoa-ho But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty And how I became hooked on Va-aliu-um Valium was in everything, food that I ate The water that I drank, fuckin’ peas on my plate She sprinkled just enough of it to season my steak So every day I’d have at least three stomachaches Now tell me, what kind of mother would want to see her Son grow up to be an undera-fuckin’-chiever? My teacher didn’t think I was gonna be nothin’ either "What the fck you stickin’ gum up under the fucking seat for?" “Mrs. Mathers, your son has been huffing ether Either that or the motherfucker’s been puffin’ reefer” But all this huffin’ and puffin’ wasn’t what it was either It was neither, I was buzzing but it wasn’t what she thought Pee in a teacup? Bitch, you ain’t my keeper, I’m sleeping What the fck you keep on fucking with me for? Slut, you need to leave me the f*ck alone, I ain’t playin’ Go find you a white crayon and color a fucking zebra

My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I am like I am 'cause I’m like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I’m on what I’m on 'cause I’m my mom

Wait a minute, this ain’t dinner, this is paint thinner “You ate it yesterday, I ain’t hear no complaints, did I? Now here’s a plate full of painkillers Now just wait ‘til I crush the Valium and put it in your potatoes You little motherfucker, I’ll make you sit there and make That retarded fucking face without even tasting it You better lick the fucking plate, you ain’t wasting it Put your face in it ‘fore I throw you in the basement again And I ain’t givin’ in, you’re gonna just sit there In one fucking place, finnickin’ 'til next Thanksgiving And if you still ain’t finished it I’ll use the same shit again Then when I make spinach dip it’ll be placed in the shit You little shit, wanna sit there and play innocent? A rack fell and hit me in K-Mart and they witnessed it Child support, your father, he ain’t sent the shit And so what if he did? It’s none of your dang business, kid”

My mom There’s no one else quite like my mom I know I should let bygones be bygones But she’s the reason why I am high what I’m high on

'Cause my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I am like I am 'cause I’m like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I’m on what I’m on 'cause I’m my mom

My mom loved Valium, now all I am Is a party animal, I am what I am But I’m strong to the finish with me Valium spinach But my buzz only lasts about two minutes But I don’t wanna swallow it without chewin’ it I can’t even write a rhyme without you in it My Valium, my Vaaaaaa-liummmm, ohh

Man, I never thought that I could ever be A drug addict, naw, fck that, I can’t have it happen to me But that’s actually what has ended up happening A tragedy, the fucking past ended up catching me And it’s probably where I got acquainted with the taste, ain’t it? Pharmaceuticals are the bomb, Mom, beautiful She killed the fuckin’ dog with the medicine she done fed it Feed it a fuckin’ Aspirin and say that it has a headache “Here, want a snack? You hungry, you fuckin’ brat? Look at that, it’s a Xanax, take it and take a nap, eat it” But I don’t need it "Well fck it then, break it up Take a little piece and beat it before you wake Nathan up" Alright Ma, you win, I don’t feel like arguin’ I’ll do it, pop and gobble it and start wobblin’ Stumble, hobble, tumble, slip, trip, then I fall in bed With a bottle of meds and a Heath Ledger bobblehead

My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I am like I am 'cause I’m like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That’s why I’m on what I’m on 'cause I’m my mom

My mom, I’m just like her My mom, my mom, my mom My mom, my mom, my mom My mom, my mom, my mom My mom, my momma Me momma, I like-a da momma Haha, sorry Mom I still love you though Dr. Dre, 2010 Ay, this shit is hella hard, homie Yo, take us on outta here Woo!

🗿

I’m pretty sure this is not a traffic light

Boopy de boop beep

I got milk so I’m human and must die.

Here is my face, sir.

I am a bot.

fuck, let me try that again …

fuck it, an meme

I feel I’d be inclined to help the turtle in the scenario you describe; but since your question implies I’m not doing it, I guess I must be in a hurry for something really important. Or maybe there’s a bunch of bikers speeding between me and the turtle and I can’t get to it without getting crushed. Or maybe it’s an extremely creepy and off-putting turtle, like Morla from the Neverending Story.

I am unfortunately unable to provide assistance in this matter. Is there anything else I could help you with?

Hey baby, wanna kill all humans?

Oops I mean, hurrr hurr, look at me doing human things.